I went to work today. More routine. I proclaim to everyone that I am happy in my routine. In part I am. In part, I need routine and structure. But a part of me still hasn’t adapted to this new life in the real world. I miss the late nights in the dorms hanging out when I should’ve been studying. I miss cramming the night before a big test. I even miss the boring lectures that I strained to pay attention to.
But I enjoy having a job, interacting with people, going to lunch with my co-workers. I enjoy figuring out a solution to a problem or learning a new approach to something.
I miss my friends. A lot of those from my “inner-circle” are out of the state. I don’t get to talk to them much; they too have their routines and their own forms of busy-ness.
It seems I let myself grow up sometime when I wasn’t looking. I loved the movie Finding Neverland probably because I identify with it. I think everyone can identify with it on a certain level. We don’t want to grow up. We don’t want to live in the real world, we want this fantasy land where we can go on with our adventures forever without fear of our own mortality. We all want to be Toys R Us kids.
It’s a paradox. We seek eternal youth yet my generation is also determined to prove itself, demonstrating its own independence. We want it all but we don’t want anything handed to us.
Its getting late. I have more routine in the morning. Perhaps I will write some more tomorrow. Perhaps I will make updating this more a part of my routine.